Burdens
by Wolven316
Summary: Patrick Jane contemplates the past, present, and future and what they mean for him.  Better story than summary, Jisbon, possible two-shot? Only review numbers will tell ;
1. Burdens

Hey all, here is my first Mentalist fanfic. I tried to focus on something that not many others had before. I figured out a topic and I haven't found any others yet, so I thought that I'd give it a shot. So here ya go, thanks to everyone who has reviewed past stories of mine, they are greatly appreciated. Enjoy and, please review

P.S.- Possible follow up chapter/ sequel? I don't know, maybe if there are enough reviews… ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Burdens

Dreary. That was his definition of the world outside his cozy attic window. It was a rare gloomy day in Sacramento, and as the CBI consultant gazed out over the city, the light pitter-pat of rain graced his ears. It was a boring day so far; three in the afternoon and no cases to be heard of. Jane sat on his makeshift bed with a dull look on his face, contemplating something to keep him busy. His mind drifted to his four colleagues on the floor just below his feet. Cho would most certainly be reading another one of his novels. A stoic, uninterested façade on his face when underneath he was actually quite enthralled in the book. Rigsby would be staring blankly at the computer before him, munching absentmindedly on yet another sandwich he found in the fridge. Vanpelt would be passing the time doing paperwork; acting dutifully as to impress the boss while stealing frequent, longing glances at her tall coworker. And Lisbon; his dear boss who would most likely be cooped up in her office much like he in his attic, staring into space across the room while trying to think of something to do other that the mountains of paperwork on her desk. Yes, she would be tapping her pen like always, occasionally sipping at her coffee and yawning from boredom. He did always adore that yawn, much like everything else she did… except yelling at him. Maybe he should go bother her. Nothing fancy, just something to wake her up a bit. His mind raced into action, thinking of all the ways he could divert her attention from the monotonous day they were all enduring. A smile touched his lips as he imagined her eyes rolling as he strolled in the door to her office and plopped on her couch. He always loved pushing her buttons.

Patrick Jane's smile widened as his thoughts drifted into restricted regions. He imagined her and him talking, her and him laughing, her and them hugging. But it was not until an image floated into his head of him clutching a raven-haired woman to his chest, and kissing her passionately that he realized what he was doing. Snapping his eyes open he rubbed his eyes like he'd done so many times that day.

Exhaling, Jane lay back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. Why was he trying so hard to hide this feeling? It was blatantly obvious to anyone who looked hard enough. But admitting this feeling would be the worst crime he could commit, even if it were only to himself. At least he felt that way… right? He really didn't know anymore. He was always catching himself thinking about her and him together. Sometimes it was as innocent as talking like good friends and other times… well lets just say they weren't very pure thoughts. His mind unconsciously drifted to a scene of two people caressing each other lovingly in the cover of the night. He waited for the wave of guilt to engulf him, but it never came. How could he be such a monster? How could he be so unfaithful?

His thumb fingered the gold band that rested upon its host. It had grown so heavy these past few months but he daren't take it off. Sitting up he examined it, the way it glinted in the dim light. Much like her hair….

_Patrick Jane smiled for the billionth time that day as he swept his wife off her feet. Her golden curls swayed in the ocean breeze as she giggled, her nose crinkling and taking his breath away. He was the luckiest man in the world, no doubt about it. They basked in each other's glow on the sand strewn blanket, rolling and laughing until their sides ached. It was just another wonderful day, but when she leant down to his ear and tears of joy prickled his eyes when she whispered him the news, it became the best day of his life._

_ "You're going to be a daddy Mr. Jane"_

Tears stung his eyes now but for a different reason. How could he have let her go? Why did it have to be them and not himself? So many questions that he didn't have the answers to. Red John was the solution to these problems. He would avenge his dear family. Blinking the tears away he smiled half-heartedly as another memory filtered into his thoughts. It had been the morning after their first night together as husband and wife and she had lay on his chest for hours, drawing hearts on his skin with her fingertip. He closed his eyes and remembered their words.

_"Patrick?" He looked down to her with a contented smile._

_ "Yes my love?" _

_ "Can you promise me something?" His smile faltered a fraction at her worried look and he rested a hand on her cheek._

_ "What is it Angela?"_

_ "You have to promise me first." She stuck out her pinky finger childishly and he hesitantly took it with his own._

_ "Okay, I promise. Now what is it?"_

_ "Promise me that no matter what happens, no matter what road life takes us on, that you will find happiness and you will keep moving forward with a smile." After a moment's contemplation his trademark, megawatt smile dawned on his face and he kissed her forehead._

_ "I promise." He repeated._

He had promised, how could he have been so stupid? He hadn't event thought about what that meant. It meant so much more than he could've ever imagined back then.

Pausing, Patrick stood with a start and raised his left hand to examine the ring once more. Angela always did have good intuition, might she have predicted something like this happening?

His thoughts raced and the world spun. His wife, his dear Angela Jane had given him an out. She had made him promise to be happy and to _keep moving forward_. Jane's thoughts returned to this emerald-eyed boss below him. Did he dare? Staring at the ring that bound him to his past he hesitantly moved his fingers around it. He loved her so much. He could never forget, but he could move forward.

The exiled pictures of his sweet Lisbon came flooding back to him. A sweet embrace, a diamond and emerald ring, her ebony hair against an ivory gown, a kiss, a child… and foremost in his mind was her smile. Her beautiful face beaming up at him much like his late wife had. He would never be able to replace Angela or his sweet Charlotte, but he could share his heart this one last time.

Slowly slipping the ring from his finger he stared at the pale skin beneath it; the only evidence of its existence. Holding it in his palm he made a silent promise, this would be his greatest treasure. He put in in his vest's breast pocket, laying a hand over it momentarily. Tears had long since spilled onto his face and he looked up to a heaven that he didn't believe in. Picturing her smiling face he couldn't help but smile in return. She had opened the door that had never truly been locked and he was now free. Free to move forward, free to be happy, free to live. Red John could wait, for he would still get his revenge no matter what. But in this moment, as he wiped the tears from his face and slowly turned on his heels, all he needed was to go talk to Lisbon.

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it!

Please Review! Even if there is nothing you really have to say, a simple Yes or No on whether I should do a next chapter/ sequel would be greatly appreciated!


	2. Reckoning

Hey guys, so here's the thing. I'm a softy for reviews and love this story, so because of this, I am now presenting you with the second chapter (week willed). But the real question now is, is it the last? Thank you to all the people who reviewed, I really do appreciate it! They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside .

Writers note: This picks up where the first chapter did, only it's focused on Lisbon's train of though rather than Jane's. Oooo, do I smell a third chapter? Read and Review!

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, nor is the idea.

Reckoning

A defeated groan could be heard throughout the bullpen, making three CBI agents all look up at each other and towards their boss's office where the sound had originated. Cho sauntered into the glass-walled room and was greeted by the sight of his boss with her head on the desk in defeat and the papers surrounding her in a chaotic heap. A hint of smile gleamed in his eyes.

"Boss, you alright?" he piped, causing her to sit up with a start and papers to fly. She rolled her eyes at the fluttering parchment and dropped her head back to the table with a considerable thud.  
>"Cho, can you go get me a coffee? A strong coffee." Cho quirked a smirk and went to fetch her drink. It was the least he could do for her. One look and he knew that all of that paper work was because of one person.<p>

"Godamnit Jane…" Lisbon sighed as she tried to reorganize her paper stacks. How much trouble could one man get into in a five days? This _had_ to be a record of some sort, she just knew it. Thumbing through Monday's complaints she barely noticed Cho walk in and out of the room, having set the coffee in the only bare spot on the cluttered desk. Grabbing it and taking a swig she mused over the past week. Four cases presented, four cases closed. It had been a good week. She did have to admit, Jane got stuff done, but why did he have to be such an ass about it?

Having her positive thoughts go down the tubes she found her head attached to her desk again, thoughts wandering to the curly blonde. It had been a few weeks since they found proof that Red John was still out there; she wondered how Jane was taking it. She could imagine of coarse, but she didn't really know.

Things had been going so well too… between the team getting back together and them getting back into the swing of things, it had seemed like the "good ol' days" again. Standing, she paced around her office aimlessly. She looked at the plant and the pictures and the ceiling, but her gaze stopped on the couch. Her empty, lonely, untouched couch. _"Hmm, he hasn't been in here all day. I wonder what he's up to." _She wasn't used to seeing it without his sleeping body sprawled over it, and found herself trying to remember how it felt to lay on it. Taking the rare chance she plopped down and eased herself into his normal laying position, staring into the ceiling. "_Why do I ever let him sleep here?"_ She thought to herself and she reveled in the cool leather of the cushions. Shutting her eyes she felt her body relax and her mind start to wander. "_Because you like him close to you", _a voice in the back of her mind answered.

Snapping her eyes open she looked around as if someone were there who might be able to read her thoughts. Where had that come from? Furrowing her brow she thought about the statement for a moment, mauling it over in her head. She did like his company, sure, but it was perfectly innocent… right? Anxiety prickled the back of her neck as she realized she didn't know the answer, or rather didn't want to acknowledge that an answer was there. Deep down she knew that her and Jane had a connection; one that was more than just being colleagues or friends. Something stronger. Every word, every touch, every smile; they all had a hidden spark in them that was almost obvious.

Shutting her eyes again she let her mind wander to the past. Him killing the corrupt officer, him guiding her to the dance floor, him smiling at her in her pink bridesmaid dress, the sound of his voice after she'd been shot. More images flooded in of her and him holding hands and laughing, him kissing her, his hands running over her body…every image made Lisbon's smile grow brighter. Suddenly, a thought entered her mind. She loved him. By god she loved this cynical, sarcastic ass who had put so much strain on her life and her job. A giddy feeling passed through her body and she felt like a teenager with a new crush. She had finally admitted it to herself, maybe she could to him too? What would he say, what would he think? The possibilities ran through her brain in a flurry until a new image passed under her eyelids. A tall blonde man slumped against a doorframe, his eyes glued to the red smiley on the opposite wall. She remembered the horrified, guilty look in his eyes that night when he remembered his family and what happened all those years ago.

Sitting up, Lisbon huffed and brought her hands to her face. How could she have been so naïve? It was Jane's number one goal in life to find and kill Red John and avenge his family. She fought the tears that pricked her eyes. He was still in love with his wife and daughter, she couldn't take him away from them, even if they were dead. There would never be room for her in his heart. His main mission was to find Red John, that's why he stayed with CBI, not because of her. It would be foolish and egotistic to think otherwise.

Gritting her teeth and standing forcefully from her couch she strode back to her paper covered desk and stared. Blinking back the tears she threw herself into her work, because it was the only way she could do it. She just had to suck it up, stuff it in and zip up her man suit. Clearing her throat she started writing her reports, delving into the masses of paper with a newfound gusto. She would forget about this; about ever recognizing her feelings for Jane. Chugging the rest of her now cold coffee she steamed on, finishing one paper after another, and ignoring the ache in her chest.

It was dark now, and the others had long since come in to say their goodbyes for the evening. Giving a triumphant huff, Agent Lisbon beamed at her tidy stacks of finished papers. Dropping them into her designated "done" box she started about the room readying for the drive home. Humming, she reviewed her day, going over the papers absent-mindedly in her thoughts. Then his face appeared, his crooked grin beaming at her like it always did, causing her to groan in frustration.

"Why, why, why must you always haunt my thoughts?" she moaned to her empty office.

"Who's haunting your thoughts?" a smooth voice queried from her door. Whirling, the same face greeted her, but there was no grin. Instead, there was a playful smirk tugging at his lips, and his eyes twinkled with inquisition. She had been caught.


	3. Author's Note

Hey all. So here's the deal, I am not discontinuing this story. I hate it when that happens and I will not be doing it to all of my amazing readers and reviewers. I did want to inform you however, that due to massive amounts of schoolwork and other things I have not had time to continue the story yet. I have many ideas for where I want it to go but I'm not quite in the right mind set to be able to get it on paper (or computer) yet. Please understand that this upsets me greatly and I am very sorry for the inconvenience. I appreciate all of the lovely reviews and will try to continue as soon as I can. Thank you!

Side note: I will be uploading a couple stories this next month or so that I have had for a while. This does not mean that I have abandoned this story! I'm just trying to clear space out of my computer and possibly to get a few more ideas for later chapters


	4. Decisions

Hey every body! So since I finished my term paper sooner than I thought I decide to give my amazing reviewers something to do: Read! XD. I have had more reviews, favorites, and alerts galore on this story than I knew what to do with. So here you are, the last installment to the story. I feel as if it a slightly "Gumped" ending, so let me know if a sequel is in order? If so it will probably be more in the future and farther into their relationship (plausible Red John encounter? Or maybe the team will figure it out? So many possibilities 3) Any who, hope you enjoy, I've had a really fun time with this story and thank you for all of the positive feedback!

-Wolven

Decisions

Lisbon turned to see her curly blonde consultant playfully smirking at her, and she gulped audibly. Closing her gaping mouth she straightened, leveling her gaze at him and placing a nonchalant façade on her face.

"Jane, what are you still here?" she dodged, the chill of anxiety creeping back into her senses. He was leaning casually on her doorframe with his hands in his pockets, staring her down with a cat-like intensity. It made her shiver.

Standing upright, he sauntered towards her slowly, making her take a wary step back. Something was off about him and she could practically feel the apprehension in the air. _"Please don't say it Jane…"_

"You didn't answer my question" he pried. _"Damn"_

"O, that? I was just talking about my…" her eyes flitted around the room, resting on her overflowing desk, "papers! I was talking about my papers. There's an endless pit of them."

Following her eyes he scrutinized the stacks of parchment that were sitting innocently in the done basket. He returned his eyes to her and continuing forward he walked her into the couch. The edge caught the back of her knees, causing her to trip backwards and fall onto the cushions; he sat beside her.

"Now Lisbon, you know you can't lie to me. Your eyes give it away every time." He mocked, flashing a smile before it disappeared completely from his face. "Lisbon I need to talk to you about something… something important."

She stared at him. Why was he acting so strange? Addressing it as him playing one of his tricks to get under her skin her temper started to raise.

"Jane, it's late. I've done a lot of work today and you… maybe have too, so I suggest we just both go home and maybe we'll talk tomorrow." Standing, she started to walk to get her coat when he caught her by the wrist, she turned an icy glare at him. "Jane…"

He stood before her, still holding her wrist firmly and towering above her. She looked up at him, confusion taking over her anger. "_What is wrong with him?"_ He stared into her emerald eyes with his deep baby blues and didn't say a word. Exhaling at the confused and concerned look in his eyes he cleared his throat.

"Lisbon, I need you to listen to me now. Because if not now then I don't think I'll be able to…" he whispered, hand unconsciously tightening on her wrist. She looked down at his hand holding hers, but felt as if something there was wrong. Raising her arm to inspect it, she turned his hand over in hers. Like a little white flag she noticed a thin ring of skin she'd never seen before. It was soft and pale, like it hadn't seen the sun in years. Realizing what hand it was, she dropped her arm and tried to step away, looking up at him with shock on her face.

"Oh my God Jane, your ring is gone! I can call VanPelt and Cho and Rigsby and have this place searched from top to bottom by morning." Puling her arm fro his grasp she strode over to her desk to find her phone and started punching in numbers until a hand covered the screen and pulled it away, closing it and tossing it to the couch. Lisbon looked at him in pity and went to retrieve her phone; he must be out of his wits right now. Jane just looked at her with a contemplative stare until he couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Teresa, stop running around and listen." This caught her off guard. _"Did he just call me Teresa?" _ she turned, looking at him expectantly. His eyes took her breath away with one glance. They were so full of emotion that she felt she could almost drown in them. She watched as he slowly pulled something out of his breast pocket, revealing his discarded ring to her. Gasping she looked from it to him.

"Jane, what are you doing? You took it off?" she asked incredulously. He came forward and stopped in front of her, yet again towering over her petite form.

"Yes, I did"

"But why?"

He looked deep into her eyes and brought a shaky hand to her cheek, freezing her to the spot. "Because I don't need to carry that burden with me anymore Teresa."

There it was again, her name on his lips. She was almost in a trance and couldn't help her curiosity, "What burden, Jane?" He smiled solemnly.

"Living in the past and denying the one thing that could make me happy." He ran his hand into her hair and tucked it behind her left ear. Tears started pricking her eyes again as she looked up at him, she bit her lip.

"And what is that?" He breathed and let a small, lopsided smile pull at his lips.

"All these years I've been blaming myself and shutting every one out from my life because of Angela and Charlotte's death, but I don't want to live like that anymore Lisbon. I want to start over again, with you if you'll have me."

Time paused, she stopped breathing, and the world seemed to spin around her. This couldn't be happening; it shouldn't. What was going on? She shook her head free from her thoughts and took a step back, causing instant worry to spread across his face.

"Now Jane, I know you are probably tired. I'm going to drive you home okay? I think you need a little sleep." She eased, trying to disprove his confession.

"Lisbon please…"

"No!" she cut him off, turning away as the tears started to fall. He crept closer and put a hand on her shoulder, tuning her to face him and trapping her against him in a warm embrace.

"Lisbon, I'm not tired, nor am I going crazy," he cooed, "I've simply been doing a lot of thinking today."

"But your lying to me!" she sobbed, "I know you better Jane, you'll never forget about your family and Red John and I don't want to make you." She cried against him, letting him guide her to the couch and hold her gently. His head rested on top of hers once they were seated.

"Your right, I never will forget them. But I can move forward…" she looked up into his now wet eyes, "and true, I will find Red John someday and kill him to avenge my family, but for now I don't care about any of that."

Lisbon looked up at him in amazement and awe. Never before had she seen this much raw emotion in his eyes, and it was all for her.

"So your saying what?" she queried, pulling back slightly from his chest and giving him a skeptical, tear stained leer laced with excitement. His lips pulled into a soft smile.

"I'm saying that I can't be without you Teresa. Will you date me?" a blush coming to her cheeks she felt her face lifting in a grin and a familiar bubbly sensation return to her stomach.

"Yes." She bowed her head to hide her growing blush.

He turned his megawatt smile on her and she couldn't help but laugh as he stood with her in his arms and spun in circles. Stopping, both out of breath, they looked into each others eyes and slowly edged closer. Lisbon's lids drooped as Jane's nose touched hers. Seeing the hesitance mixed with want in his eyes she smiled and leaned forward to seal the kiss. A rush of air left Patrick Jane's body as he felt his lips make contact with another's for the first time in nine years. Moaning in delight he squeezed Lisbon closer, pulling a surprised squeak from her and a low giggle. Parting and taking a moment to look into Patrick's exuberant eyes Teresa stood, quickly gathering her things before returning to his waiting arms. Letting a grin stain his lips Patrick breathed in her hair, taking in her scent and making her flush red as she pulled away to head out the door of her office. Quickly quelling her paranoia by scoping for any night guards she turned to see Patrick gazing at her. His hand smoothly slid into hers and he led her from the building, headed toward the parking lot with fingers intertwined and shy smiles on their faces. And this was only the beginning.


End file.
